Summer Breakfast

Just a quick note to inform those of you who don't already know about it that I'm co-hosting Summer Breakfast on 3RRR for the next fortnight, starting tomorrow morning.

Yes, I'm going to celebrate having 10 days off work by getting up at 5am in order to play tunes, read the news, and generally banter with two charming co-hosts: the dashing Declan Kelly in week one, and the super-sonic Camila Hannan in my second week.

Feel free to tune in Monday-Friday at 102.7 FM or streaming at www.rrr.org.au for all the fun - as well as the tired, grumpy, why-the-hell-am-broadcasting-with-no-sleep lunacy of New Year'sDay; the bah-humbuggery of Christmas Day; and much, much more!

Trust me, it'll be frabjous!

Queer media discussion

I'm speaking on a panel about GLBT media tonight at Collingwood's Glasshouse Hotel at 7pm if you feel like coming along. It's a free event, and is being recorded for broadcast later this week on JOY 94.9 FM. Bring your friends!

A deep sigh of relief

I survived chairing two panels at the Melbourne Writers' Festival; the first a pleasure, the second a chore. I survived wading through the books of the writers apearing on those panels, and late nights researching and taking notes so that I would be prepared for the occasion.

I survived reading Mandy Sayer's latest book - something of a chore - but loved listening to Mia Dyson's new album, in preperation for Friday's Faine show.

I survived another night of research on Thursday, and an impromptu 11:30pm visit to a new queer club, where I was revived by great tunes and an electric atmosphere.

And I survived my first appearance on The Conversation Hour with Jon Faine on 774 ABC radio - despite a fit of nerves that saw my hand shaking when I raised a glass of water to my lips.

Faine is an intimidating presence - quick witted and very sharp - but once I warmed up I quite enjoyed myself, although I was never exactly relaxed: perhaps because I was unsettled by being on the other side of the studio desk for once, instead of in control of the panel. I'd done my homework, and prepared questions for our guests designed to provoke insightful and revealing answers. It seemed to work: his producer has already said they'd like to have me back as a 'semi-regular guest co-host' on the show, which I'll look forward to.

And yesterday, walking to work through the Fitzroy Gardens, a vivid flash of emerald feathers as a lorikeet swooped past reminded me of how much beauty exists in this world.

Out of the blog, into the world!

Should your life be so lacking in stimulii as to wish to see the author of this blog creep out from behind his keyboard and into the real world, then you'll have your chance this week; both physically and audibly.

This coming Thursday, I'll be facilitating two panels at the Melbourne Writers' Festival; in other words introducing two seperate groups of writers who will in theory be discoursing about the precise topics of the panels in question, but who really are engaged in little more than a marketing exercise designed to promote their latest books. Moi, cynical? Heaven forfend!

At 3:45pm in the Bagging Room at the Malthouse Theatre, I'll be chairing a panel called Refined Tastes, featuring authors John Lanchester and David Hewson, and discussing the differences and similarities between author and character when it comes to writing about art, architecture, food and wine, and similar subjects.

Then, at 6;30pm, in the Merlyn Theatre, I'll be facilitating a discussion with authors Janine Burke and Philip Jones called Collector's Edition, on the psychology of bringing things together. Festival Director Rosemary Cameron should have been a panellist on this one, methinks, although maybe the collective commercial demands of the publishers who seem to run the MWF from behind the scenes prohibited her from doing so.....?

Then, this coming Friday, I'll be shirking off work for an hour or so and wandering over to the Southbank studios of the ABC, to co-host The Conversation Hour with Jon Faine on 774 ABC. Our guests will be musician Mia Dyson, and a couple of writers who are in town for the MWF - which means above and beyond my usual stupid workload I have a thick stack of books to work through. Oh joy!

Highs, lows and Radiothon

So far this week:

• I've been accused of being misogynistic and anti-lesbian, and learned that the fractious and divided GLBT community is even more touchy than I'd previously imagined;
• I've presented my most stressful radio program of the year, as part of RRR's annual Radiothon - and thank you, thank you, thank you, to the 131 people who subscribed this morning during SmartArts;
• I've stressed on more than one occasion about my drug and alcohol consumption;
• I've started thinking about looking for a new job; one that actually pays superannuation and sick leave;
• I've told the man I'd like to be in love with, but am not, that I'm neither in love with him nor crying myself to sleep over the fact that we're not romantically involved; and also told him that I'm worried about calling him and hanging out with him too much in case he thinks I'm falling in love with him;
• And I've wished I didn't over-analyse things quite so much.

So how's your week been?

On SmartArts today...

... I spoke with artist Andrew Baines, who's looking for people to participate in a 'living surrealist human sculpture' at St Kilda Beach at 6am this Saturday January 20. You'll need to wear a black suit, white shirt and colourful tie, and walk into the surf reading a newspaper, together with 200 or so people dressed identically. The finished work will look something like this:

It's not the first time Baines has created work of this nature, as you can see if you visit his website at www.andrewbaines.com - which is also where you can find all the registration details for this Saturday's event...

My other guests on SmartArts today, which was my first program for the year after a three week break, were:

• Actor Gerry Sont, who is playing Bloomsbury Group artist Duncan Grant in the play 'The Object of Desire' at La Mama Theatre as part of the Midsumma Festival, from Jan 24 - Feb 11.
• Curator Leanne Fitzgibbon, from the Bendigo Art Gallery, about the exhibition 'The World's Most Photographed', on until March 25.
• Director Michael Camilleri, regarding The Golem of Ruckers Hill, presented by Platform Youth Theatre, at Northcote Town Hall until this Sunday.
• Curator Shannon Cane and artist Peter Maloney about the exhibition The Brotherhood at Neon Parc Gallery until Feb 3.
• And Cerise Howard joined us to discuss Christopher Guest's latest mockumentary, For Your Consideration in our fortnightly screen culture segment, A Fistful of Celluloid.
  

Melbourne to Glasgow

Thurs 25th - Fri 26th August

Never one to do things by halves, I decided to combine two of the most stressful things imaginable on the one day: my most important radio program of the year and my first ever international flight.

First off was my Radiothon show for 3RRR. For 10 days RRR announcers badger, beg and sweet-talk our listeners into pledging a subscription to the station. As RRR receives no government funding, and we're not a commercial broadcaster, we rely on listener support for 50% of our annual income. The irony of course is that you don't need to pay to listen to the radio, but bless their little cotton socks, RRR listeners enjoy showing their support for the station by subscribing in droves.

This being my first Radiothon for 'SmartArts' I had no idea how many subscribers I'd get; as it turns out I got heaps. About 126 people subscribed during my three hours, which was a delightful result, and created happy smiles around the station. Many thanks to you if you were one of my subscribers.

Then it was home to finish packing, and out to the airport...

I'd packed my backpack the night before, overseen and guided by my dear friend Martin Liedke, who has considerable experience in these things; certainly far more than me, the travel virgin. I still got flustered and a little panicked on Thursday arvo, stuffing the last few bits and pieces into my cabin luggage, but I eventually got everything done, and out to the airport just after 5.30 to check in for my flight, on Emirates, which flew out at 7.30pm.

In brief, because plane trips are pretty boring at the best of times, we flew 9 hours to Singapore where we stopped for an hour (I wandered around the airport at 2am and treated myself to a vodka, lime and soda for $12.30). The next leg was 7 hours to Dubai, where we arrived at 6am local time. Huge, strange airport and duty free mall. Then onto a new plane for the final leg of the journey, 12 hours to Glasgow. Phew.

We got into Glasgow half an hour late, as we'd been held up in Dubai waiting for some lads on a late connecting flight; when we landed we were kept on the plane for another half hour or so, as one of them had got sick. Once the doctor arrived and told us all it wasn't some virulent contagion, we were allowed off the plane: customs was a doddle (had I stupidly decided to smuggle drugs into Scotland it would have been easy!)

So after passing through customs lugging my bags, out I stroll, expecting to be met by Bec & Bob - and they weren't there!

At this point I had a slightly sinking feeling in my stomach as I realise that I don't actually have their phone numbers or address on me - they're on the coffee table back in Melbourne!

Just as I was wondering what to do I was paged, and once I found the airport information desk I found Bec and Bob waiting for me as well.

Crisis averted: Glasgow awaits.

Bearing in mind that I've only had about six hours sleep in about 36 hours at this point, I was feeling surprising good, and was very chatty as we drove into the city. Bec pointed out my first group of Neds - local hooligans resplendent in tracksuits and trainers, one of whom had his hand stuffed down the front of his boxers having a grand old scratch: such public displays are, I'm told, the visual equivilent of territorial pissing to mark territory and display macho prowess.

To learn more about neds, aka scallys, chavs or charvers, go here and tremble in fear: http://www.scallycentral.com - and yes, that's a picture of a couple of neds, one of them even scratching, up at the top of this page...

After a kilt fitting literally within half an hour of arriving in Glasgow, and then an hour or so relaxing at Bec and Bob's flat in a beautiful Georgian Terrace in Minerva Street, it was off to Edinburgh for the hen's night. This became something of a highly amusing farce, as the plan was a 40 minute train trip followed by dinner and a show at the Fringe, but due to signal box failures on the Edinburgh line, our train ended up going to Edinburgh via Perth - a round trip of about two hours, 20 minutes! Still, I got to see some stunning scenery, including a couple of castles, and flirted outrageously with the young lad serving refreshments from a trolley: he seemed to be flirting back, although he might just have been trying to be nice to a tourist - I'll just have to see if he sends me an e-mail...

We were in Edinburgh the same night as the Military Tattoo, and after relocating to a pub for a quick dinner and several drinks, we watched hundreds of soliders stroll past at the end of the tattoo. A grand view: so many handsome lads in kilts!

It was at this point, about 1am, that I started to hit a wall, so it was off to the bus-stop and home to Glasgow (I think I slept the whole way) with Nerida, a fellow Aussie friend of Bec's, and Bob's sister Eleanor. Bob's buck's night drinks were still in progress when I got back to Minerva Street, so I stayed up for another hour of drunken conversation, then eventually crashed...

Talk about an eventful 48 hours!